Here I am again, currently working from a place called Barber&Parlour in Shoreditch (highly recommend if you’re ever in the area!)
Yesterday something happened.
First of all, 2 nights ago I had a conversation with my flatmate about life and productivity and I got really mad at myself because I didn’t follow through with so many things I wanted to do and yet again, I felt a little unproductive and like I’m wasting away my life.
I kept getting waves of inspiration and then 2 hours later it dropped again and I got distracted.
My flatmate asked what my problem is and what was holding me back and I said ‘I don’t know.’
He said I should stop making excuses.
He was right.
He said maybe I just needed a push and then he punched me in the arm.
That’s what friends are for, right? (It’s okay, I gave him my consent. Desperate times call for desperate measures lol)
It did trigger something though.
I keep finding myself feeling down and depressed and the truth is I know WHY.
I am not living a purposeful life at the moment.
But if at first you don’t succeed… keep blogging about it until you do haha.
After I complained about my hurting arm and punching my flatmate’s biceps as well (I know, we’re weird like that…) I went to bed dedicated to get better.
To do more from now on.
Yet again I found myself doing everything the exact same way as before the next day.
I didn’t set myself a deadline for when I wanted to have things done, I didn’t make a structured plan and I spend about 1 1/2 hours making and eating breakfast.
My point is:
Nothing will change if you keep doing what you’ve always done.
My other flatmate said something very true the other day.
If you really want to achieve something you are going to have to be okay with getting incredibly uncomfortable.
That moment when you’re tired, sick or hung over and you don’t want to work or you just can’t be bothered to get to work and create something you have to force yourself.
You have to actively work against old habits and patterns and do the exact opposite of what you would want to do in that moment.
Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most.
I went to the gym after my late late late breakfast and pushed myself to power through a really good workout. It felt amazing.
The areas in my life where I am most determined and disciplined right now are eating healthy and working out.
It was hard at first but comes absolutely naturally to me now. I WANT to eat healthy and I LOVE working out and going to the gym; it makes me feel amazing and a little accomplished.
I left the gym and around the corner a young, homeless woman asked me for change.
I told her I only had my card and apologized.
She asked me if I could get her a hot drink and I said ‘Of course’; went to Pret and got her a hot chocolate and a soup.
It was raining yesterday and absolutely miserable outside.
I gave her the drink and food and she told me how cold she was, that she could barely walk and she didn’t know where to stay the night.
In shock I replied ‘Don’t they have shelters for everyone?’ and she replied that the government only provides emergency shelters when it is below 0 three days in a row.
THREE DAYS IN A ROW!!!
Can you imagine even spending one day sleeping outside without a tent or sleeping bag when it’s below zero??
Her eyes were a bright blue and the sadness they emitted was chilling.
I told her I was so sorry and that I wish I could help her but I really have to go and I hope she finds something.
I turned around and just stood there frozen thinking ‘Is there really nothing I can do? Can I help this woman somehow? And what about the hundreds, if not thousands of other people living on the streets (of London)?!’
I crossed at the traffic lights, kept on walking and started crying.
I felt like a piece of shit.
Of course I could have helped her, given her more money or done SOMETHING.
But I didn’t. Most people wouldn’t even stop to give these people any attention.
Look away, focus on yourself, everyone is responsible for their own lives….
That’s what they say right?
I called my Mum crying in the rain like an idiot and asked if I should have done more and she comforted me saying that I already did a lot and helped her as I could.
Something hit me really hard though.
How fucking privileged we are without even realizing it.
We worry about what to wear, where to go for food or which evening class to choose when around the corner there are people quite literally slowly dying on the streets.
I want to help.
All I want to do is help and support as many people as I can but I am only human.
I wish everyone would think a little bit less about themselves and show a little more compassion towards others, animals, our planet…
So many people are just so IGNORANT and all they care about is themselves.
Every day I see people walking around the city completely OBLIVIOUS to everything and everyone around them.
The worst thing is in my opinion we do have all the resources it would take to end poverty, provide shelter for the homeless and food for the hungry and make the world a much better place.
In my head it could be so easy!
If, for instance more of the people who have the most power and money on this earth right now would use a part of their income to help those in need instead of buying and investing in things for themselves it would make the world of a difference!
Or two different examples: If all of us would eat a little less animal products every day there wouldn’t have to be intensive animal farming and all the horrible abuse and exploitation caused by it.
If we would purchase 5 pieces of sustainable clothing produced under fair working conditions for 50$ each instead of 25 items for 5$ each there wouldn’t have to be mass production and inhumane conditions in development country factories and so on.
I know it’s not that simple but in theory a lot of problems could be solved if everyone did everything a little different. But that most likely will never happen.
All these issues emerged (in my opinion) because we live in a society that profits from other (human) beings suffering.
We have been conditioned to consume more and more, to want more and more and to become ignorant to the issues around us because ‘there’s nothing we can do anyways’.
And even though we can have, do and be almost anything we want we’re still never fully happy and we always want more or something else.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always bad to strive for more and want more but I think we should aim for things like more love, peace, traveling, joy and good experiences instead of physical belongings that only help us grow our superficial, ego and not our happiness.
The reason we have become so oblivious is that we for example don’t see the children working 16h hour days in factories to make some of the clothes we wear; all we see is the nice new dress in a beautiful store with upbeat music playing in the background.
We don’t hear the screams of animals being killed in slaughterhouses; we just taste the nicely seasoned and cooked steak in fancy restaurants.
We can’t feel the cold the homeless feel out on the streets while we sit inside a pub sipping cocktails and laughing with our friends.
This really, really sucks doesn’t it?
There is really not much else I can say other than it’s fucking frustrating to be so powerless.
Or am I not?
I found myself devastated yesterday thinking about the blue-eyed woman on the street and all the other people suffering and myself being unhappy with my life and how ridiculous it all sounds when you put things into perspective.
Often times when I used to be sad or upset when I was younger and told my Mum about it she would say ‘Look at the news and what is going on in the world and you will feel less bad for what is going on in your life.’
I agree and disagree at the same time.
Sometimes it does help to reevaluate and realize that most of our first-world-problems are just in our heads anyways but at the same time just because other people have it so much worse doesn’t mean it automatically makes us feel better.
God, how do I bring this post to a valuable and kinda positive ending…
My conclusion yesterday after crying a lot and becoming very frustrated with myself, the world and everything was to take a couple of deep breaths and remind myself of my WHY and instead of focusing on everything that is wrong with this world to focus on what is good and the positive change I can initiate.
The reason I created this blog is to help, inspire and educate people.
The reason I want to build a much bigger audience is to REACH more people so hopefully I can make a positive difference somehow.
The reason I want to make a lot of money is so I can GIVE more.
Of course, all of the above are also benefiting myself and my life but that will never be my only drive.
If you read my blog post about Meditation you know that I practice buddhism and try to live by some of its key values.
I believe in Karma and that you get back what you give (with interest, of course).
I believe you should spend your life seeking positivity, abundance, forgiveness, peace. health and happiness for yourself, your friends, family and all sentient beings around you.
Even for people who have harmed you or others in the past.
Especially for those people as they need it the most.
In everything you do, think about yourself, your goals and aspirations but think about the bigger picture too.
What can you do for the world around you?
Can you volunteer, donate money, spend time with elderly, help out in shelters, try producing less trash and recycle?
Try to be the one to apologize first in arguments, talk about yourself less and just listen; smile at strangers, buy clothes in second-hand shops, waste less food and eat at home more often; buy homeless people food or a blanket, do your fellow humans favors without asking for anything in return; spread positivity instead of complaining.
Swallow your pride, help people you see struggling on the streets, don’t look away when you see harm being done, speak the truth and always treat your surroundings with deep respect and appreciation.
There are a million things we all can do to make this world a little better so let’s stop making excuses and make the most of our privilege.
Yesterday felt like a punch in the stomach and the feeling that nothing will change and I will never be able to make an impact and help people to the extend that I want to if I don’t get up and do something with my life gave me a huge push to work a lot harder than I ever have before.
(Update Thursday, 05/04: It is now a week later and I am sitting at Barber&Parlour again now finally posting this huuuuge blogpost. I haven’t yet because I have been a little anxious since it is long af, very personal and very dark at times. But so is life.
I hope you like it and find it helpful anyways.)