Traveling, scary life decisions and all that.
What would your life look like if everything was possible?
What would you do if you had no fear and there was nothing holding you back?
If you were free of judgement from anyone including yourself – what would you do?
What would your world look like?
What would you look like?
What would you FEEL like?
I ask myself these questions as often as possible to stretch my perception of what is possible.
And sometimes I take a big leap of faith and just give whatever crazy idea I have a go and see what happens.
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
But every time I jump in head first into the unknown it’s fun, exciting or at least a great story to tell afterwards.
For some reason it felt like a great decision to travel to Thailand by myself at the age of 19 with a backpack and no plan even though it scared the living hell out of me.
I don’t know how but a part of me told me that it was the right thing to do.
My anxious mind was convinced I was going to die and my subconscious, fearful self did everything possible to keep me from taking that trip (I ended up in hospital with a concussion only 3 days before my flight. I didn’t do that on purpose obviously but I don’t believe in coinscidences either…).
After I eventually did end up boarding the plane, everything inside of me pushed me to get the hell out of here, go back to my Mum and sister who took me to the airport and blow the whole thing off.
I panicked. Started crying and shaking. In the middle of strangers on the airplane.
It took me a lot to stay seated and calm down somehow.
I made it to Beijing for my layover over 12 h later and thought:
“Shit. That’s it. There’s no going back now is there, I’m in freaking China! All by myself. Great. Whose idea was this again?!“
Eventually I made it to Bangkok, got to the hostel and 10 minutes later realised that one of my credit cards was gone. ALREADY?! It doesn’t even take 24hrs for me to lose something important?! (I thought someone took it from me at first but turns out I left it inside the ATM at the freaking airport because instead of getting the card first, then the money and lastly the receipt, turns out in Thailand you get the receipt first, then the money (after which I confidently walked off) and THEN the card.
I could tell you a million more anecdotes like this one but it all comes down to this:
Despite all the tears, chaos, accidents, highs and lows, traveling has helped me grow in the best ways possible.
I am so glad that I made the decision to leave and stick through the fear and panic even though it definitely was the scariest thing I had ever done up until then.
Those 15 months have been the most influential, challenging but overall beneficial period of my life so far and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I discovered my personal boundaries and pushed them, I ran out of money, felt heart-broken, lonely and homesick more times than I can count.
I had a fantastic job and lots of shit ones too. I lived with people I didn’t like and people I absolutely adored. I stayed in different hostels for almost a year. I saw people get severely injured and almost die but also saw some of the most beautiful places in the world.
I worked at a cattle station in the outback and saw a venomous snake kill a frog and then being killed itself by the farmer right in front of my eyes.
I harvested potatoes and graded bananas for almost 6 months. Yup.
I got more scars and injuries while travelling than during my entire life before that.
I got tattooed twice in Thailand and now I’m rolling my eyes at the fact that I did that.
No regrets. Ever. Haha, maybe a little bit.
I made more mistakes than I can count during my travels and I wish I could go back and do a few things differently or better and sometimes I wish I could just do it all over again but deep down I know everything happened exactly as it was supposed to.
My point is:
Do more stuff that scares the life out of you!
Fear can be an indicator of exactly where you are supposed to go.
I started writing this post months ago after an inspirational conversation I had with someone and only picked it up again and finished it today.
As I was writing I started thinking: When was the last time I have forced myself out of comfort zone and done the absolute scariest thing I can possibly imagine?!
It’s been a while.
I am going to take my own advice for once and find something to do that scares the shit out of me right now…
Talk later and good luck,
P.S.: So, what would it mean for you to jump?