what’s been happening and how I deal with adversity

Do you want to change your life but don’t know where to begin?

Start by making your bed.

Don’t check your phone for the first hour after waking up.

Drink a glass of water.

Breathe.

Smile at your reflection in the mirror.

Eat a piece of fruit before anything else.

Go outside and walk in silence for a few minutes and focus on your breath.

Think to yourself: 

I am here. I am focused. I am in charge. I am in control of my reality and I will make today a good day.

Straighten your back, roll your shoulders back, relax your face and keep your head up.

Face the world in the best way you can.

Repeat this every day and see what happens.

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Hello friends, I’m slowly crawling out of my hibernation period (in terms of writing) and I wanted to share a little bit of what’s been happening and what I’ve been doing to cope with some adversity in my little world.

Life sucks sometimes. 

We’ve all been there, we’ve all felt it.

We’re heart-broken, we get sick, feel lonely, maybe a family member gets diagnosed with an illness, we lose our jobs, we don’t know what to do with our lives, we feel overwhelmed and anxious or experience the loss of someone close to us…

Whatever it is you’re experiencing or feeling just know you’re not alone, we all suffer in our own ways, even if we don’t show it. 

All we wanna do is cry, scream, get drunk, smash something on the floor, eat an entire tub of ice-cream and don’t leave the house for a week straight.

Sometimes that is okay.

Sometimes it is not possible to follow these sightly self-sabotaging impulses though because we have to go to work/school, interact with people, take care of our kids and we can’t just take a break from life, as much as we’d like to.

And sometimes the ‘coping mechanisms’ I mentioned above can become very toxic and harmful, if done excessively.

We get into this vicious cycle of doing something that makes us feel better for a few minutes but in the long-run does more harm than good.

So in the end, to really overcome challenges in a healthy and sustainable manner we gotta love ourselves enough to deal with pain, frustration and hardship in ways that help and comfort us and not harm our mental and physical health more.

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A little piece of my story…

As some of you may know, a few months ago I suffered the loss of our family dog of 14 years, shortly afterwards I visited home, came back and only a few weeks after that, my partner and I had to separate as he quite suddenly had to move overseas again.

Both of these incidences left me feeling lonely, sad, heartbroken and mainly incredibly frustrated because there was absolutely nothing I could do to prevent either of these things from happening. 

All I could do was accept it and find the best possible ways to cope with it.

So first I did what everyone would do…

I cried.

A lot.

And that’s okay. I actually like to cry.

I mean, I don’t particularly enjoy it but I like to let it out, you know?

(Only when I’m by myself though or with really close friends/my Mum…)

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I felt empty, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I got angry at myself, at life, at people.

Why does this have to happen to me?

Why now?!

Why does everything always come together at once when you least expect it?

 

In both cases that I mentioned, I sat in my emotions for a while and I suffered.

I sat alone in my room and found myself thinking about the situation, dwelling on memories, looking through pictures and videos over and over and over again, getting more upset with every minute passing.

I put myself into victim-mode. 

Suddenly, I stopped myself.

I looked in the mirror straight into my miserable expression.

What are you doing? You’re making everything 10 times worse!

You’re making yourself feel the same pain over and over again by pitying yourself, resisting the painful reality, trying to escape in memories when NONE OF THIS will bring them back, I thought to myself.

I sat down and almost felt like I had just attempted to reason with a child who was throwing a temper tantrum…

I was fighting with myself, my own emotions.

My impulse was to drown myself in my feelings and ignore the world around me.

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The rational, proactive and constructive part of my self continued to work against that.

I took charge of my reality by repeating to myself:

No matter how much I cry, they won’t come back.

It’s done. 

I’m so grateful for the time we had together. 

I will forever be so grateful for the time we spend together. 

I am allowed to let go. 

All I feel is love for them. 

Everything is working out as it is supposed to.

They are still with me and always will be a part of me. 

He is gone and he won’t be coming back any time soon.

My dog has passed and I will never see her again in this life. 

As harsh as that sound and as hard as it hit me to confront myself with these truths I needed it in order not to lose my mind and find some sort of acceptance that this is just how it is now…

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We endure the greatest suffering not through reality but within our own minds and heads.

When someone breaks up with us for instance, we feel like one of our organs is being ripped out, we’re hurt, physically, mentally and our pride and ego suffers a lot.

We fall victim to our emotions, our brain literally puts us into a state of complete panic and hardly allowing us to think rationally because the loss of comfort or a person that was close to us triggers the emergency response (fight or flight mode) in our heads and all we instinctively try to do is fix it and reunite with said person/emotion/comfort so we can be okay again.

Trouble is, you can’t force someone to stay together with you.

You cannot prevent people or any beings from dying or shit from going down.

And sometimes, the loss of something, the adversity we experience can change our lives for the better if only we stop resisting and give it time.

What we CAN DO though is learn to master our mind, calm ourselves down and train ourselves to think rationally even in that state of panic, grief and desperation.

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Since I’ve been meaning to write posts that are a little bit shorter I am going to leave it here and will follow up with a more practical approach on what exactly I do to get myself out of a rut cope with hardship in a healthy way.

Read more here.

Talk soon,

Eva x

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